updated 28 June 2023
The image of a woman walking into the distance, carrying a bucket away from her body, like someone used to carrying heavy loads has lived in my mind for decades. The source of the image escapes me, but the author used the show don’t tell rule so well that I’ve never forgotten it.
A great description can conjure an image that will stick with your audience long after they’ve finished your story.
The challenge for story crafters is to make characters come to life for their audiences. One of the best ways to learn techniques for describing characters is to learn from the experts.
In Philip Pullman’s The Book of Dust, Pullman describes a boy and a nun alone in the priory kitchen.
In the pale sunlight that came through the dusty windows, Malcolm saw how chapped and cracked the skin of her fingers was, how red and raw. Every time she puts them in hot water it must hurt, he thought, but he had never heard her complaining.
This excerpt focuses on a physical description of the nun, but it tells the reader about both the nun and the boy. The nun works through physical discomfort and does not complain, at least not in the presence of boys in her care. The boy sees her hands and responds with empathy.
In this brief, silent exchange, Pullman describes both characters by showing us how one character sees and feels about the other. Note that they are physical descriptions, not character descriptions. He does not use words like “hard working” or “stoic.” Instead, Pullman shows us the evidence of those things.
This is an example of how we can show a hero’s character instead of telling about it, which follows the old show don’t tell rule in writing. When an audiences see how a hero acts in an environment and interacts with other characters, then they form their own understanding of the hero’s character.
It takes a while to learn how to show character. While you’re developing your skills, I suggest you use a “kind of person who” statement. Like “once upon a time,” it’s a signal to yourself and your audience that something is about to happen. “The kind of person who” signals an example that will give us insight into the character.
This internship listing at Planet Money, an economics podcast with a flair for humor, is a great example. They described their ideal candidate with a series of questions including:
Are you the kind of person who finds delight in a report from the Federal Reserve?
The Federal Reserve is the US central banking system. It submits reports on monetary policy to the US Congress twice a year. The Monetary Policy Report submitted to Congress on 23 February 2018 is 55 pages long.
By describing their ideal candidate as someone who finds delight in reading these reports, Planet Money is conveying a lot of information with a brief question. Their example includes the qualifications they are looking for (someone who can understand Federal Reserve reports) and their ethos as an organization (they want to have fun with serious material).
The “kind of” statement can be used in a wide variety of situations.
Here’s an example from a children’s book, Beverly Cleary’s Ramona and her Father:
Beezus was the kind of girl who did her homework on Friday instead of waiting until the last minute on Sunday.
And another from a book review in the New York Times:
Eighteen years her senior, Frank Gould was the kind of guy who started drinking at 8 a.m. and tried to kill his second wife, the English showgirl Edith Maud Kelly.
Here’s one from Joan Didion’s “Some Dreamers of the Golden Realm” in Slouching Towards Bethlehem:
…the kind of street where there are always tricycles and revolving credit and dreams about bigger houses, better streets. (8)
Are you ready to start showing instead of telling?
Try two things.
- Pay attention to the descriptions you hear or read about people or even products or policies. Are they showing or telling?
- Try to to create images, describe choices, or illustrate situations where your characters do something.